Drained

I feel so drained.

I started this new job, but as soon as I started I felt weird. My body was revolting! My inner voice was like, “what the hell am I doing here??”

I’ve got to say though that most of my coworkers are nice to me. Of course I feel bad about quitting.

But everytime I came home and my Dad asks me “How’s work?”, I shake my head and have this apologetic smile.

I’ve always been like, I gotta do this job because I need to help my family plus I really want to clear my debt this year, and I just started. I know that I want to do art but I feel scared about ending up being homeless.

At the end of the day, it’s still my life and my happiness is my responsibility. If I stay thinking that I’m doing it to “help”, or I don’t want to let people down, later on in my life I’ll most likely end up resenting them.

Ah. There’s gotta be a way. 

.
Sobrang pagod ako ngayon. Parati kong iniisip na, kailangan ko ng matinong trabaho hindi lang puro pag-dodrowing, kasi kailangan ng pera pambayad sa gastusin atbp. Ahh. Siguro naman may paraan din no?!
.
今日はすごく疲れました。なんかいつも私は、アートだけではなく、仕事も必要だ用途思ってました。失敗ホームレスになってしまうのが心配なのです。どうか、解決が必ずある!!

Advertisements

We share one Earth.

Been thinking about climate change a lot lately. I try to do what I can, but of course it’s a team effort – we all share the same Earth.
You can help too:
– Conserve water and energy. Turn off and unplug electrical devices when not in use.
– Eat less beef. The greenhouse gases released to make a half-pound all-beef burger is 19 times its weight.*
-Drive less; use the public transportation.

*Source: Ulf Sonesson of the Swedish Institute for Food and Biotechnology
.
Nitong mga nakalipas na araw, mas lalo kong naiisip ang tungkol sa pagbabago ng klima. Ginagawa ko ang makakaya ko, pero siyempre kailangan ang tulong ng bawa’t isa, dahil lahat tayo’y naninirahan sa iisang mundo.
Kaya mo ring makatulong:
– Magtipid ng tubig at kuryente. Lalo na kung hindi ginagamit, patayin at tanggalin sa outlet.
– Bawasan ang pagkain ng karne.
– Bawasan ang pagmamaneho at gamitin ang panpublikong transportasyon.
.
最近、私は地球温暖化のことを考えています。手伝うようにしていますが、一人で解決のが出来ません。私たちはみんな、この世界で一緒に暮らしているのです。
その問題に対して、どうすればいいですか?
• 節電節水。コードをコンセントからちゃんと切ること。
• 牛肉を食べるのを減らすこと。
• 運転するのを減らしてバスや電車、自転車で通うこと。

What’s stopping me?

I have NINE drafts!

A few minutes ago I prayed and talked about how I really felt.

As much as I want to talk about my story and all that, if I say how I truly am at the present moment I feel like it’s just gonna be gloomy and stuff, you know?

Of course as much as possible, I must send out positive vibes to the world. If people read your content you want them to leave feeling happy, right?

Give value and such.

What’s blocking me from putting out content: I worry about how other people will feel about what I wrote. Especially about how it’ll affect them.

I guess it all boils down to how I judge myself, how others judge me, I don’t know — maybe, yes, probably.

But here’s the thing. Whenever I read about other people’s stories and they’re being honest about their struggles, baring their soul, I feel that I can relate to them. I can feel their humanity more and I appreciate them.

It’s weird how I want to keep my hardships to myself and not talk about it because I don’t want to bother others, but I also realize that no human being is an island.

I really do hope that I can grow more as a person, that I can be stronger than my circumstances.

 

 

I want to remember this

I want to remember this.

If I ever become a great artist, and have my own studio, and it’s so big —

That I don’t have to squeeze myself in because I have enough room.

 

DESK: my old keyboard, a Yamaha 81-key that stopped working and supported underneath by my amp .

PENCIL HOLDER: Highschool project by my brother. He gave it to me!

WATER JAR #1: Tostitos salsa jar. I fricking LOVE MEDIUM SPICY SALSA.

WATER JAR-JAR BINX: Thanks to a friend who brought me to their shop and taught me how to make one.

PALETTE SET: from Japan dollah store (¥100)

20190804_205921

 

Inspiration Strikes #2

When inspiration strikes! You must answer its call. Even at 12 midnight.

I mentioned in a previous post that I’m not doing this to become famous or a millionaire. So why am I doing this?

“What does success mean to you?” Ever come across this question?

Before, my answer was to be able to do art full-time and make money from it. Doesn’t have to be a lot but enough to pay my bills and help others; to travel wherever and whenever I want to, and to become a very good artist aka hone my craft. Along the way as I kept sharing my art and quirkiness in my posts, just a few moments ago I came upon this stunning! reflection:

I’m creating a space to express myself. That’s it.

So is it all just an ego trip or, to satisfy my social needs? Probably. Maybe I just wanted to be listened to. I’m still learning about who I am.

Let’s try looking at it this way: at work, I can’t really fully express myself. Some of my coworkers who are really passionate about cards/games/anime talk about them with no problem, but me not being a cardgamer I don’t really know much about that stuff and can only be on the hearing end of it. Some are into music but, not the kind that I listen to. At least they lend an ear and try to understand me when I talk about watercolor and we still get along thanks to some videogame, anime or music references…

At home I talk a lot with my older sister especially when we watch TV together. She’s really fun and has this twinkle in her eye when she talks about a show or a character’s backstory. So not much to complain over there.

In 2016-2017, I was lucky to study in Tenri City, Japan and the best thing about it was that I met my friends – my friends for life. It didn’t cross my mind much that we’re from different countries but our experiences, joys and pains bound us together. Like brothers and sisters.

I’m grateful to find the friend that I’ve aaalways wanted since I was in highschool. The kind that listened to me, not judging; encouraging me to not give up and keep following my dreams.

So, I want a community like that. Here.

If my talents, my quirkiness, my personality could draw like-minded people, and they could feel safe here that would be cool, right, I think.

These are my thoughts and um, I have a cold.