Inspiration Strikes #2

When inspiration strikes! You must answer its call. Even at 12 midnight.

I mentioned in a previous post that I’m not doing this to become famous or a millionaire. So why am I doing this?

“What does success mean to you?” Ever come across this question?

Before, my answer was to be able to do art full-time and make money from it. Doesn’t have to be a lot but enough to pay my bills and help others; to travel wherever and whenever I want to, and to become a very good artist aka hone my craft. Along the way as I kept sharing my art and quirkiness in my posts, just a few moments ago I came upon this stunning! reflection:

I’m creating a space to express myself. That’s it.

So is it all just an ego trip or, to satisfy my social needs? Probably. Maybe I just wanted to be listened to. I’m still learning about who I am.

Let’s try looking at it this way: at work, I can’t really fully express myself. Some of my coworkers who are really passionate about cards/games/anime talk about them with no problem, but me not being a cardgamer I don’t really know much about that stuff and can only be on the hearing end of it. Some are into music but, not the kind that I listen to. At least they lend an ear and try to understand me when I talk about watercolor and we still get along thanks to some videogame, anime or music references…

At home I talk a lot with my older sister especially when we watch TV together. She’s really fun and has this twinkle in her eye when she talks about a show or a character’s backstory. So not much to complain over there.

In 2016-2017, I was lucky to study in Tenri City, Japan and the best thing about it was that I met my friends – my friends for life. It didn’t cross my mind much that we’re from different countries but our experiences, joys and pains bound us together. Like brothers and sisters.

I’m grateful to find the friend that I’ve aaalways wanted since I was in highschool. The kind that listened to me, not judging; encouraging me to not give up and keep following my dreams.

So, I want a community like that. Here.

If my talents, my quirkiness, my personality could draw like-minded people, and they could feel safe here that would be cool, right, I think.

These are my thoughts and um, I have a cold.

Advertisements

Inspiration strikes!

My head was hurting a while ago but now it’s miraculously gone!

Must be the wine.

Anyway.

So today I had the day off. Thank God. I spent it drawing, painting, doing some marketing stuff posting on social media, etc. I enjoyed it. I came home at around 7pm and thought, “Man, I’d do it again”.

It’s a strange thing. But really it isn’t. I’m doing what I love to do. I guess I’ve affirmed that indeed, drawing is my passion. I didn’t make a single dime today. But that’s ok with me. I don’t ever, EVER want to force my art to choke out a dollar for me. I do sell prints and if I do make some money, that’d be cool. I’m not doing this to become famous, or to become a millionaire. I’m doing this because this is me and I feel happy doing it. It’s been denied from me for such a long time…

And what caused that?

Self-awareness was something I didn’t think about back then. I was…and even still recently at work, trying to find acceptance from other people. Telling a joke and seeing their reaction..for what? Some cringe, others laugh…but what does it really matter to me?

NOTHING! Right?

You know, thanks to people like Gary Vee, who do their thing and try to make a difference, I’m able to come to realize this. So, thank you Gary Vee.

I’m really lucky to have found people and content that helped me wake up to this. I grew up trying to appease my mom. To make her happy by trying to be at the top of my class, by winning a scholarship, by showing her that my talent isn’t useless because hey, I got a good grade.

Drawing, painting…by doing more of these everyday I come upon some reflections and realizations about myself.

I have this quirkiness. Like, a knack for some off-the-wall, random stuff. It really comes from various references stored in my memory that makes sense to me, but not as much to other people. So I try to explain.

Gary Vee has this video about, stop trying to convert others and instead, just stick with the ones who believe in you. Which makes sense. Like, all that energy wasted on trying to make others see things the way you do but don’t give a fuck — that energy could be used for creating projects instead, or spreading the love to your community, to people who support you and love you.

Right now, I’m at this point of quitting my job and honestly I’m afraid. Afraid of the unknown. What am I gonna do to supplement this income? Will I find a freelance project that I’ll like?

I don’t feel like I’m in a rush to prove whatever with my art. I just wanna enjoy it. Like earlier today, I was genuinely happy about interacting with people who gave me llamas on Deviant Art and replying to those who gave nice comments. But of course, at the same time, not putting too much bearing on what they said or praises that I received, but just putting my head down and keep on doing the work. Which doesn’t feel like work because I’m doing what I love. And you know what the weird thing is? I feel light! I feel natural. I know it’s gonna be a long ride, but I’m cool with it.

I’m so glad that I don’t feel that need to prove something.