Thank you everyone for supporting me through 2019! 🎆✊🏼🙌🏼🤣
Man, it was one heck of a year. I mean look at this:
- I doubted myself.
- Started a job alongside my other one, where I thought it’d be good because I can use my Japanese and it might pay well. And I might move over to this job because I was feeling dissatisfied with my other one. Well…1 month in and I left that job due to burnout, and my heart and body revolting, saying, “I shouldn’t be here”.
- Didn’t clear my debt by the end of 2019.
- Didn’t release an album.
- Didn’t sign up for any anime or comic convention.
- Confessed my feelings to a friend and got turned down, and I haven’t talked to her ever since.
- I started to post more frequently
- Made new good friends
- Went to Honolulu’s First Friday for the first time, and found a really awesome art studio
- Drew a bunch of commissions and made money
- Discovered a LOT of great music – The Sundays, Mazzy Star, Nas, Eminem’s Kamikaze album, N.W.A.
- My ink and watercolor skills are getting better!
- Went to New York for the first time and visited The Metropolitan Art Museum. It was a pivotal moment in my life.
- I was working on a commission and throughout I kept telling myself, I can do it and I believe in myself. I felt very proud of my work. I realized that believing in one’s self takes practice and repetition.
- Left my other job too this December to pursue my art career
So now, what’s next?
I’ve mentioned in my previous posts that I’m working with my friend who’s writing a book about his dreams. I’m illustrating it, and it’s mostly in watercolor. It’s a long story, but the idea is for me to live in Texas for a few months so that I can focus on my art in peace. That part about why, is something that’s personal and honestly, I can’t talk about it at this point yet. The thing is, it’s hard to focus when you feel like you’re being oppressed.
An opportunity’s been presented to me, so I want to try and grab it, and see how it goes. I know it’s not going to be easy, though. “Nothing great should be easy” as Gary Vee puts it.
I’d like to backtrack a little bit for some context.
I was bullied when I was in high school, and I never told my parents or anyone about it because I didn’t want to cause a scene. I didn’t feel like I had anyone to open up to. But the isolation, those days when the teacher would tell the whole class to pair up with someone or to group ourselves, and none of them would talk to me. So as an adult, I feel frustrated at not being able to deal with it well.
During those times, I’d feel many different things: 1) hit the bully because the pain and anger was too much to bear, but I was scared of getting kicked out of school; 2) talk back to the bully, but I was scared of what they’d say after. What if I can’t reply back? 3) just ignore it, because it’s not worth it; 4) try to think that maybe, they’re in a shitty situation that’s why they’re being like this.
We can’t change our past, but we can do something about our present and our future. So I want to be able to stand up to this with confidence.
It’s a new adventure, and there’ll be challenges and risks. For me, I just want to get this art career thing running and work. I want to improve as a person and as an artist. I want to master my craft. I want to be able to save money too. XD
Thank you for believing in me, for cheering me up when I’m down, for encouraging me to keep moving forward and follow my dreams. There’ll be challenges ahead, not just for me but for all of us, but I’m sure things will work out. I’m very much looking forward to 2020 and the adventures that it will bring!
Maraming salamat po sa pagsuporta ninyo sa akin sa taong 2019, tuwing ako ay nalulumbay o nalulungkot, maraming salamat sa pagpapaalala sa akin na magpatuloy at huwag sumuko.🙏🏼😭 Sa bagong taong 2020, malamang ay mayrong mga pagsubok hindi lamang para sa akin, kundi sa ating lahat. Pero naniniwala akong malalampasan natin ang mga iyon. Magtiwala sa sarili! At nasasabik din ako sa mga susunod pang adventure na darating!