Drained

I feel so drained.

I started this new job, but as soon as I started I felt weird. My body was revolting! My inner voice was like, “what the hell am I doing here??”

I’ve got to say though that most of my coworkers are nice to me. Of course I feel bad about quitting.

But everytime I came home and my Dad asks me “How’s work?”, I shake my head and have this apologetic smile.

I’ve always been like, I gotta do this job because I need to help my family plus I really want to clear my debt this year, and I just started. I know that I want to do art but I feel scared about ending up being homeless.

At the end of the day, it’s still my life and my happiness is my responsibility. If I stay thinking that I’m doing it to “help”, or I don’t want to let people down, later on in my life I’ll most likely end up resenting them.

Ah. There’s gotta be a way. 

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Sobrang pagod ako ngayon. Parati kong iniisip na, kailangan ko ng matinong trabaho hindi lang puro pag-dodrowing, kasi kailangan ng pera pambayad sa gastusin atbp. Ahh. Siguro naman may paraan din no?!
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今日はすごく疲れました。なんかいつも私は、アートだけではなく、仕事も必要だ用途思ってました。失敗ホームレスになってしまうのが心配なのです。どうか、解決が必ずある!!

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