My head was hurting a while ago but now it’s miraculously gone!
Must be the wine.
So today I had the day off. Thank God. I spent it drawing, painting, doing some marketing stuff posting on social media, etc. I enjoyed it. I came home at around 7pm and thought, “Man, I’d do it again”.
It’s a strange thing. But really it isn’t. I’m doing what I love to do. I guess I’ve affirmed that indeed, drawing is my passion. I didn’t make a single dime today. But that’s ok with me. I don’t ever, EVER want to force my art to choke out a dollar for me. I do sell prints and if I do make some money, that’d be cool. I’m not doing this to become famous, or to become a millionaire. I’m doing this because this is me and I feel happy doing it. It’s been denied from me for such a long time…
And what caused that?
Self-awareness was something I didn’t think about back then. I was…and even still recently at work, trying to find acceptance from other people. Telling a joke and seeing their reaction..for what? Some cringe, others laugh…but what does it really matter to me?
You know, thanks to people like Gary Vee, who do their thing and try to make a difference, I’m able to come to realize this. So, thank you Gary Vee.
I’m really lucky to have found people and content that helped me wake up to this. I grew up trying to appease my mom. To make her happy by trying to be at the top of my class, by winning a scholarship, by showing her that my talent isn’t useless because hey, I got a good grade.
Drawing, painting…by doing more of these everyday I come upon some reflections and realizations about myself.
I have this quirkiness. Like, a knack for some off-the-wall, random stuff. It really comes from various references stored in my memory that makes sense to me, but not as much to other people. So I try to explain.
Gary Vee has this video about, stop trying to convert others and instead, just stick with the ones who believe in you. Which makes sense. Like, all that energy wasted on trying to make others see things the way you do but don’t give a fuck — that energy could be used for creating projects instead, or spreading the love to your community, to people who support you and love you.
Right now, I’m at this point of quitting my job and honestly I’m afraid. Afraid of the unknown. What am I gonna do to supplement this income? Will I find a freelance project that I’ll like?
I don’t feel like I’m in a rush to prove whatever with my art. I just wanna enjoy it. Like earlier today, I was genuinely happy about interacting with people who gave me llamas on Deviant Art and replying to those who gave nice comments. But of course, at the same time, not putting too much bearing on what they said or praises that I received, but just putting my head down and keep on doing the work. Which doesn’t feel like work because I’m doing what I love. And you know what the weird thing is? I feel light! I feel natural. I know it’s gonna be a long ride, but I’m cool with it.
I’m so glad that I don’t feel that need to prove something.